Jen Stein
Anorexia Is Half of Me And The Other Half Is Whole
I am anorexia and I will shrink
you into success
I am Whole and I will heal you
into trying
one more kilo and you’ll be lighter
than a sting
even the brightest needle
in a haystack can’t fly
goosebumps are crowns on your spine
purple palms aren’t noble
heaters will burn you
into a memory
the coldest bodies
are underground
check if it fits on the head
of a pushpin before you pierce
your tongue
crumbs won’t silence
the growling in your stomach
weak bears don’t bite
since when does forgiveness have teeth?
every time you feel worthless I sharpen
your bones into diamonds
my dear, you’re paying
with your life
no one else ever named you
warrior
If you are the enemy, where will the guns go
when they stop firing?
watch your cheeks turn
to white flags
I just want the war to be over.
You don’t know the sound of your voice when I am silent
listen closer
all you hear is your heartbeat
Toby?
I get full on butterflies
nerves can’t be a meal
you are too wild for the tame
of food
hunger is only a beast when you ignore it
here’s a spear
stop killing yourself
has heaven ever been granted
to someone alive?
will you trust me?
how many times has faith
double-crossed you?
come into my outstretched arms,
let go.
I promise,
I won’t ever do that.
When will you stop
believing a god that doesn’t
have a mouth?
Toby Grossman is a poet exploring the inherent paradoxes in our absurd existence. She wrestles with scale differences between the smallness of our blue dot home and the largeness of human grief. She often writes though the lens of her experiences with mental illness and alienation.
Jen Stein is a feminist writer, artist, advocate, mother, and finder of lost things in Fairfax, Virginia. Her art and writing is informed by her experiences with advocacy and activism surrounding the politics of the body, disability, and mental health. She’s assistant editor at Rogue Agent, and on the web at Instagram.com/jensteinpoetry.