by Justin Robinson
Douglas the Bottom-Dweller
We’re sitting in the kitchen and Alex
names each of her fish to me. Douglas
(the odd one out) believes he is a goldfish.
He is a grey kind of black, with off-white
spots, bulging eyes, a flat torso. Often
she thinks he is dead,
shows me his body cast in skin, drying.
He should be slow, rest on the stones
but he flutters near the water’s surface
tasting scraps. She says he should eat
different food, but his identity crisis caps that.
This is his home. Alex stirs tuna
into tomatoes. I’m hungry. The baby is
hungry too. Her bottle rests in a bowl
of cool water. Douglas sucks the glass.
In a way I feel I need to hold Douglas.
The baby stiffens to cry in my lap. Alex,
wrists flecked with milk, still stirring the pan.
Self-Portrait with Douglas
Once, I didn’t have a name. Then I was named.
Some days I could believe I am a goldfish, cast
in off-white clay. Eyes dusted twilight. Sometimes
I believe I have died, but I take a photograph.
Render myself flat and present. I need
to slow down, but there is somewhere I think
I need to go. I should eat something but for my life
I can’t remember how. This is my home.
This is not my baby. There are times I forget
that. There are times I rest in the bath
adjusting my temperature until there is no difference
between body, water, and air. No prepositions
necessary. No surface, no pull, no non-belonging.
There are times there is only Douglas
untouchable. Douglas kissing the glass.
Lydia Allison is a poet, writing facilitator, creative mentor, and tutor in Sheffield, UK. Her writing explores her relationship with the world and she particularly enjoys the place where the domestic meets the universal. She has appeared a number of times in print and online, including The Result Is What You See Today and Introduction X published by smith|doorstop, as well as Surfing the Twilight, Product Magazine, and PN Review. She enjoys a range of modern and contemporary writers. Her other favourite things in life are the Yorkshire countryside and cake for breakfast. Read more at lydiaallison.com and follow her on Twitter @LydiarAllison.
After questing across Canada, for the last four years Justin Robinson has settled in Toronto to focus on creating Expressionist Art; through Portraiture, nature, figure drawing, and ‘the living moment’/Narrative Expressionism. With a special interest in exploring atmosphere and the human condition, often the subject material is vastly different from the next and flows from a creative-intuitive perspective. Realized in the form of rich tonal values, color, and brush strokes, the works share a quality between abstract-emotionalism and a structure provided by realism. Former student of; Kwalikum Secondary Schools Art Program, School Creative – Institute of the Arts, and currently a student of London Art College.