by Matthew Eli
When I Say I am Learning to Love Myself
What I mean is
I have been named after the reclusive
A withering space. The death of the outside
And I have a requiem already. And I sing it already
And the angels, tiny too, are here already,
Singing,
Oblivious that there is an outside world moving too
What I mean is
There is a magic only my fingers can conjure
&
I have been writing the spell for years now
What I mean is sometimes I curse the morning
Spit upon its unfurling & that too is fine
That I dance to Billie Eilish & that too is fine
That I have dark sides & that too is fine
That my sky pours vengeance for rain
& that too is fine
That my silence is what this body makes of the need to speak
& the need is clasped on to my throat
& that too is fine
When I say I am learning to love myself what I mean is
I have anxieties gasping for air
I am speaking to myself
Naming all the good things that have disappeared
What I mean is
I know what it means to be present like death
To step into a room full of people and leave at least one of them breathless
Tobi Abiodun is a spoken word poet born and raised in Benin City. His poetry cuts across the personal, social and political. Tobi is a multiple slam champion with titles in major Nigerian cities including Lagos, Abuja and Port Harcourt. His poems have appeared on Nantygreens, Odour of Death Anthology, Memento: An Anthology of Contemporary Poets and are forthcoming elsewhere. Tobi is the face behind the viral Heritage Bank Pidgin Spoken Word Poetry advert.
Matthew Eli is a gender-fluid visual artist, coffee addict, and swimming enthusiast living their best life in the mountains of Asheville, NC.