by Carl Kutsmode
My Father Visits Me in a Dream
When I’m immobilised with fear and doubt
and the world around me closes in – to a stop –
because of my guilt and shame
my father visits me in a dream.
It’s always the same; silent and smiling
he comes bearing gifts into every house I’ve ever lived
– after ever separation –
an apron, a pot, a knife for the kitchen and
a bag of shopping – something new to cook.
A fork and a spade for the garden; bulbs,
tubers, a small tree or a bush to plant.
He cooks in silence as I set the table.
I pick a bunch of fresh flowers from the garden and
place them in a vase between us that he’s brought before.
My gesture of thanks to him with a prayer and
he asks me, what are they for, and I say
to honour the God’s of our ancestral spirits
and he smiles, and after dinner we do the dishes together again.
I wash as he dries and puts away, then
as I go to sit down, he says –
cut the grass, before it’s too late –
it’s always the same, when I’m immobilised
with fear and doubt because of my guilt and shame.
My father visits me in a dream.
Fergus Hogan lives and works in Waterford, Ireland where he lectures full-time in narrative family therapy at WIT. His poems have been published in the Irish Times and various anthologies. His first chapbook of poems, Bittern Cry, was published in November 2019 by Book Hub Publishing.
Carl Kutsmode is not a professional or Juried artist. He is a serial entrepreneur in the recruiting and management consulting industry. Following 9/11, he realized that something major was missing in his life – a CREATIVE outlet – which he soon found in art and photography. Without any lessons, he began painting abstracts in acrylic. Although Carl only paints ad hoc when he is inspired by external business or life frustrations, he maintains a consistent theme in his art, one of differentiation, transformation and forward movement.