Self-Portrait as Caravaggio’s David 
Self-Portrait as Caravaggio’s Mistress 
Self-Portrait as Caravaggio’s Prostitute
Self-Portrait – Artist Statement
“I am a 30-year-old genderfluid visual artist. My journey as a trans man and artist intersect—and this body of artwork is a direct result of that. I’d like the share with you said journey, my introduction to Caravaggio, and how I came to create these three drawings because of my love of this particular painter.
In the fall of 2010, I officially came out as a trans man and much to my dismay, many of my friends (trans friends included) said that in order to be a “real trans man”, I had to be 100% transmasculine and denounce any and all feminine qualities about myself. I struggled with this for several years, and even abused and mutilated my body by chest-binding 8-12 hours a day—resulting in three broken ribs, as well as, permanent scarring, and in the end my doctor highly recommended I no longer bind my chest. Overall, I hated myself and much of my work during my undergraduate years in art school reflected that internal conflict. In the fall of 2017, I got divorced and this began a 2 ½ year exploration of my gender identity. I experimented with makeup, dresses and skirts, colored my hair hot pink, and finally came out as genderfluid and have since then proudly referred to myself as a “pretty or soft boy”—allowing people to use either he/him/his or they/them/their pronouns, as well as, Matthew, Matt, or Matty. I had at last begun to live my best life.
How does this relate to Caravaggio?
In 2009, I took my first European art history class where I was first introduced to Caravaggio. Instantly, I was in love and obsessed. I had never seen paintings so breathtaking. The spring of 2010, I studied abroad in Florence, Italy—taking an Italian Renaissance art history class. When we arrived at the Uffizi, I had the privilege of witnessing firsthand the paintings of Caravaggio, including my most beloved, “Judith Beheading Holofernes”.
So exactly who was Caravaggio?
Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio was an Italian painter born in the late 1500s whose body of work was heavily influenced by Baroque style art. His paintings are a unique combination of dramatic lighting (A.K.A. chiaroscuro) and realistic observation of both the emotional and physical human form. Many of his paintings feature intense scenes of explicit torture, violent struggles, grotesque decapitation, Jesus’ crucifixion, and even death—often using live models to help aid in creating realistic figures in his paintings. Due to his popularity, the terms “Caravaggism” and “Caravaggisti” came about to describe his style of painting and a term coined to call the many young painters throughout Rome who aspired to follow in Caravaggio’s footsteps.
He died in 1610 and left behind a legacy that would continue to aspire Caravaggistis around the world over 400 years later—myself included. The inspirations for my three pieces of artwork are: “Amor Vincit Omnia”, “St. Francis”, and “David with the Head of Goliath”.
For the theme of “Body” I decided to take my love of Caravaggio and combine it with self-portraits featuring my desired body. I illustrated myself as having had chest reconstructive surgery and being on testosterone, along with, feminine qualities (such as makeup and pink hair) in order to produce and recreate my favorite Caravaggio paintings. These three pieces are an embodiment of the ten-year journey of finding who I am in my body, mind, heart, and soul.
I hope you enjoy these pieces even if you find them controversial or provocative. They are meant to start an open discussion about breaking gender norms in both the cisgender and transgender communities.”
Matthew Eli is a gender-fluid visual artist, coffee addict, and swimming enthusiast living their best life in the mountains of Asheville, NC.