by Cynthia Yatchman
look at your bodies
you tell me. Breasts so obviously
meant for spilt milk, to cradle
a teething child close. I forget
I am no longer flat-chested, straight
like the cover of a book. I forget
sometimes, that I can no longer beat
my chest proudly like Tarzan
of the Apes in the jungle, amongst
vines and creepers and adventure.
I forget sometimes, that I am added upon
and thus need support. As a child, it hurt
and baffled me to grow outwards.
Why are you coming? I’d ask,
as padding to my heart? as stiflers to
when I would crawl under rows of chairs
like a soldier in trenches?
Why are you coming,
blood curse, turmoil, and kick in the stomach
where there’d be no infant foot, no
tiny dragon life about to hatch?
Why are you coming,
portending omen, transformation
spells, memory smearing—to make of me
someone different, who cannot join
my friends in the clear blue swimming pool?
And yet today, though I am one of the lucky ones,
whose body pulled and then stopped, whose spirit
fit quite snugly, whose gender is soft knit and comfortable,
I forget you see what I don’t, and my skin crawls
at the thought that others would
squeeze and cradle what I simply never
feel as an [s]extension but is just me. Just me
and my never coming dragon form,
full body, empty baby.
Ellen Huang holds a BA in Writing + Theatre minor from Point Loma Nazarene University, and publications in 50+ venues including Aze Journal, Yes Poetry, X-Ray Lit, Quail Bell Magazine, peculiars, briars, Vamp Cat, Elephants Never, and Bleached Butterfly. She is the retired Managing Editor for Whale Road Review, where she continues as a peer reader. She runs a blog in which she geeks out about faith, fairy tales, and film, and during quarantine has found delight in reenacting classic animated scenes. Follow if you wanna: worrydollsandfloatinglights.wordpress.com.
Cynthia Yatchman is a Seattle based artist and art instructor. With an M.A. in child development and a B. A. in education, she has a strong interest in art education and teaches art to adults, children and families. A former ceramicist, she studied with J.T. Abernathy in Ann Arbor, MI. After receiving her B.F.A. in painting from the University of Washington she changed to 2D work and has stayed there since, working primarily on paintings, prints and collages. Her art is housed in numerous public and private collections and has been shown nationally in California, Connecticut, New York, Indiana, Michigan, Oregon and Wyoming. She has exhibited extensively in the Northwest, including shows at Seattle University, Seattle PaciNic University, Shoreline Community College, the Tacoma and Seattle Convention Centers and the PaciNic Science Center.