by Alan Bern
A FAMILY FRIEND KILLS HERSELF AFTER THE MAN SHE LOVES DENIES HER, AND MY AUNT SAYS THERE IS NOTHING AS WASTEFUL AS DYING FOR LOVE.
But says makes it sound neutral, and my aunt is not a neutral person. Really, she scoffs at the idea. This, after the love of her life died too young from pancreatic cancer and she spent hours in her car by the sea, miles away from home, from her two small children, in an empty parking lot, screaming as her windshield silvered over with snow. She wears this fact casually, and without medication, as she’ll have you know. Her doctor tried to prescribe valium those first few months, but she said why? when she could instead start running marathons at age forty-two. I do not know if the feeling that swelled inside me was pride or sadness.
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Years later, when her new love asked her to marry him, she again asked why? And he said, because I don’t want to lose you, believing his blubbering confession was romantic. You could lose me any time, she said, why would you want to lose half your money,too?
Really, I don’t feel sorry for him, because he should have known.
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My father says I should be less like his sister, all fire-tongued, and no grace. At family parties, they all laugh into their wine.
Martha Pham writes from Massachusetts. Her work appears or is forthcoming in The Kitchn, Nurture Literary, and Feral. She holds an MFA in Creative Writing from the University of Wisconsin-Madison and is at work on her first book.
Retired children’s librarian Alan Bern is a published/exhibited photographer and the author of three books of poetry. He is cofounder with artist/printer Robert Woods of the press/publisher Lines & Faces, linesandfaces.com. Recent awards include: honorable mention for Littoral Press Poetry Prize (2021); flash fiction finalist for Ekphrastic Sex (2021). Alan photographs, and from his work with Lines & Faces, he combines his photos and words, now a vital part of his daily art practice, photo-haiga.* Recent photos published include: www.unearthedesf.com/alan-bern, www.feralpoetry.net/four-haiga-by-alan-bern/, www.pleaseseeme.com/issue-7/art/alan-bern-art-psm7/, and https://www.mercurius.one/home/next-s-s-startle.