by Emalene Lillipore
Jonas Brothers
That a prowling Bengal tiger cuddled up, the moment I thought it would pounce
That my childhood home was filled with pacing crows
There were strangers and friends outside the window
I wanted to open the door, but was afraid
of the strangers, of upsetting the crows
That I made a poem of the items
that cop told me I could take, the one February where ice greyed from a glance
And in the very same instance, I remembered
a feature from a teen magazine I’d read at the airport
in which the Jonas Brothers claimed all
they’d save in a fire were their Bibles, and guitars
I opened the door
The crows fled
to swoop and peck the strangers
I let in my friends.
That a boy I loved in childhood came back, I was desperate to make him laugh
That a boy I loved in childhood ignored me in an abandoned fire station
Of a baby, and then a different baby
Of a particularly long, thin dog
That I was standing atop my dad’s shoes, angry again
Adjoining the gauzy veil separating the living and dead
Christmas lights, strung, and my astigmatism, worse
He was there, where I was
The tiger follows me wherever
I go. I come toward
the poem with a fever
The Bible grandma signed
White rollerskates, pink wheels—I was such a child, I thought I’d need them
My plush dog, Dr. Spot MD (paediatric cardiologist)
A journal with “can’t stop, won’t slow down” scrawled up the front
Inside
I dreamt
That my mom said, “these are the best years
of your life” year after austere year I
used the hot radiator as a ballet barre I was
never in my own house I dreamt of
a house
Of wood floor grooves
That I was getting married to someone
who isn’t here anymore, and I was, momentarily,
the safest I’ve been. Dress— bejewelled, baguette-cut— a strong commitment
to lace; it’s not something I would’ve chosen
on my own. At first,
there was a pane of glass between us,
and then, thank God, thank God,
nothing at all
Dr. Alexus Erin is an American poet, social scientist, performer, and doula living in the UK. Her poetry has previously appeared with Poetry Society of America, Potluck Magazine, The Melanin Collective, The Nervous Breakdown, God is in the TV, LEVELER, Red Flag Poetry, Silk + Smoke, and a host of others. She is the author of Two Birds, All Moon (Gap Riot Press, 2019), St. John’s Wort (Animal Heart Press, 2019) and Cartoon Logic, Cartoon Violence (Baobab Press, 2022). She was the 2018 Poet Fellow of the Leopardi Writers Conference and a performer at Edinburgh Fringe Festival. When she’s not doing any of the above, she can be found working with textiles and thinking about children’s liberation.
Emalene Lillipore has an affinity for long lost spaces, places, and lovers. Staying true to her Iranian heritage, she has rooted most of her understandings of life and romance into a carefully curated expression of self. Emalene is currently based in North America, uses she/her pronouns, and documents her life through photography, videography, floristry, and poetry. Her project’s goal is to uncover the hidden moments that rest quietly in the pursuit of love and romance, both platonic and romantic. You can find more of her work at LoveYouSeeYouSoon.com.