by Matthew Eli
Desire as Portal & Crisis
My Mom Casts Disease Out in the Name of God
I don’t claim that—
she says to my sister’s ataxia, my papa’s death, my grandma’s arthritis
before she accepted my queerness—my queerness
she pushes/ed it away, god will eat all of
our mess/es.
God’s goop, higher-power spit
drizzles down in our lives
first the home
then the yard
fills everything up.
like that, yes
my mom will close her eyes, be so happy
hands-up in praise, that finally, things are going her way
not the ill-time pregnancy, the un-timed deaths
of the ones she loves, the love she lost
the loss, anything to keep us from going away
yes, God, yes,passion-fruitted holy ghost
father, son, that died for us to be hurt again
// we go // amen
repeat.
Mateo Lara is queer & latinx, originally from Bakersfield, California. He received his B.A. in English at CSU Bakersfield. He/They is currently working on his M.F.A. in Poetry at Randolph College in Lynchburg, VA. His/Their poems have been featured in Orpheus, EOAGH, Empty Mirror, and The New Engagement. He/They is an editor for RabidOak online literary journal.
Matthew Eli is a gender-fluid visual artist, coffee addict, and swimming enthusiast living their best life in the mountains of Asheville, NC.